One of those days where when your husband comes home after being gone for 11.5 hours, you look at him and tell him you need some time by yourself. So, you go take a loooong shower. The only place you can find solace.
It's not that it was a horrible day. It wasn't by a long shot. It started out with the kids quietly sitting all huddled together watching a movie on our Nook. Me with coffee in hand, looking at them and relishing in the quiet. Then came some laundry and play time. Sounds good so far right?
But before I knew it, I had broken up four to five fights, soothed two crying children, asked for forgiveness for being a little to loud in my correction, and watched a two year old come stomping through the kitchen screaming at the top of his lungs because he "want some alone time."
After I fed the hungry monsters all seemed good. But then came an overabundance of loudness. Just plain loudness. On a day where I just wanted quiet this was oh so hard to take in.
More bickering, more tears, more forgiveness.
Then came the much needed nap for that toddler who needed his "alone time." With this came quiet time for the older three, and therefore quiet time for me. However, child number one soon emerged from the playroom because he needed his binoculars (for what I have no idea), child number two needed to use the restroom, and child number three came trotting through the living room on her horse.
Back to square one.
In my quiet time I knew I needed a change in heart. Why does it have to be so hard? Why couldn't I just soak in their laughter and spirit? Why was I so annoyed by their loudness and play?
After their said quiet time came a renewed energy from all four children. At one point when I thought my head would explode Abigail came up on my lap, put her tiny arms around my neck, squished her cheek to mine and whispered, "Mommy, I love you. You are the best and I just love to cuddle with you." Oh how my soul and heart needed that right at that moment.
God met me there. He met me in her sweet little voice and in her soft little arms.
Then before dinner when I felt my anxiety from the noise rising again the boys made me laugh. Yet another way that God was meeting me today. He met me in the laughter with my boys. In their bright eyes and wide smiles.
He showed himself in our two year old as he sang, "Day one of the rest of my life (Matthew West)" on repeat at dinner.
So, after my husband came home tonight and I stood in the shower by myself, I thanked God for today. I thanked Him for showing Himself to me in the moments when I needed Him the most. Despite my bad outlook he continued to meet me.
Don't get me wrong, I love these little ones. I cannot put into words the way that each one has a hold on me. My love for them sometimes makes my heart physically hurt.
I guess I just want to remind myself to be open to seeing God. To find Him throughout my day. To remember that no matter how loud, how crazy, how hard my day is, He is there. Ready to show me love, grace, kindness, forgiveness.
Tomorrow is a new day. Day one of the rest of my life.
Part of me just hopes it is a little quieter.
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