Losing My Hair

So, some of you might have noticed that I am wearing hats all the time.  Some of you also know why.  I have alopecia areata, an autoimmune disease where my body attacks my hair follicles and causes it to fall out.  I have had it since 4th grade and it goes through spells of remission.  It started to all fall out again with my last pregnancy as is still progressing.

I also know that many of you have been curious about it and have asked questions.  So, I decided to let you all in on how I feel about it and what I look like.  When I was younger I used to struggle with keeping it a secret, wearing uncomfortable wigs, and praying that some man would still find me attractive enough to marry one day.  Then, as I have gotten older it has become much easier to talk about.  Now, as a wife and mother that has her roots planted in a wonderful community I feel no anxiety about it.  God has truly brought me a long way.  As women we try to keep our hair stylish and beautiful and to lose it all makes it hard.  It really makes me examine myself and to realize that I want my beauty to radiate from the inside.   I have no hair to hide behind.  My dad has always been the one to shave my head growing up and I can remember always feeling beautiful because of how he saw me.  He would tell me that I was not only a pretty face, but that my inner beauty shown through.  I owe a lot of my confidence to him and my mom.

So, the other day, I asked a friend to come over and help me shave the rest of my hair.  I just couldn't quite get enough courage to do it by myself.  I love how my kids just thought it was a natural thing to do and how Abigail looked at me later and said, "mommy you are so pretty."  I thought they would have given me a face of 'what in the world' or 'yuck.'  But through the evening they just kept giving me words of encouragement.  Thank you Lord for them. 

So, here is the new me :)