Bald Head and Achy Joints

Looking in the mirror today I could barely hold back the tears as I looked at my almost void of hair self.  It has been 17 months.  Seventeen months of wishing, hoping, praying, questioning if my hair will ever come back in.  I had the realization that Levi, our one year old, might never know me with hair.  That is depressing to me. 

Most days I don't even remember that it is gone.  Not until one of the kids come up and rub my head (something that Abigail loves to do and it feels so comforting), or I get a quick glance in the mirror, or I realize that my head is cold and I have to don a hat.

That is most of the time.

Then there are those days like today where I just want to feel like a woman.  I want my hair to blow in the wind and get stuck in my mouth, I want my son to pull my hair while I say "ouch," I want to brush it and feel the tangles, I want to remember what it was like to use shampoo, I want my husband to comb his fingers through it.  I want to feel beautiful.

I believe that I have always been a healthy person.  I am athletic, I eat well, and I take care of myself (for the most part).  My body is strong, young, healthy.

That is most of the time.

Then there are days like today where every breath that I take is sharp (I feel like someone is stabbing me in the ribs) and every step that I take makes my hip scream.  As I type this my fingers are telling me to stop.  I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis about four years ago and for the most part I deal with the daily pain with a smile.  Not today, at least not in the morning.

Then God spoke to me.  He spoke words of encouragement to me through Bible Study and in my own devotionals.  He knows my struggles, the days that I am feeling down, and He calls out to me.

That is ALL of the time.  I just need to have the ears to hear.  Today I heard Him through the verses below.  I am choosing to turn my frown upside down and rejoice that I have a Maker that loves me.  I am choosing to be thankful for my family, and my friends who love me despite my shortcomings.  I am thankful that I have children who like to rub my bald head and that I can sense pain so that I can know when to slow down and take it easy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for where your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."  James 1:2-4 (NIV)

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)